Friend Like Me.

One of my favorite Disney movies is Aladdin. Not just because I share the name of the Princess (but that is a huge component), but also because I fell in love with the story and characters. Although Aladdin is the protagonist, the genie really spoke to me as well.

How could you not love Robin Williams as the genie?!

See, the genie in Aladdin could only function, could only be useful, when he was summoned by rubbing the lamp. He had no autonomy; he was forever indebted to his "master," which was whoever rubbed the lamp. They are granted three wishes and then are on their way. The only way for the genie to be "free" was by someone selflessly using a wish to free him.

Genie gets his freedom.

The Genie was so accustomed to living life for the demands and beckoning of others that freedom was foreign, and since no one ever granted him that, he didn't even have the hope of it ever happening. One of the popular songs was “Friend Like Me” where he details everything he can do with just one wish and how the master has never had a “friend like him:” reliable, loyal, and gifted.

And when I think of it, many of us work for our relationships - especially us gifted folks. All my life I heard, "You should be doing this, you shouldn't waste your talents!" But more often than not, the "this" they would be referring to would be something they also indirectly benefitted from. It wasn't something they thought I should develop for my own usage.

“Hey, you should be making and selling t-shirts.”

“Hey, you should open this business.”

“Hey, you should join this team.”

My head was left spinning.

Very rarely was I encouraged or shown how to just pour into myself and do something solely because I just wanted to. To not make everything “official,” that's so foreign to me. Every talent or gift I had would be encouraged to be monetized (and we won't go off into the tangent of how much burnout that produces or how unhealthy that is). Because I could do many things well, individually, people think I can do many things well at once and that is far from the truth. If I focused on my scientific desires, I'd hear things like "You need to be drawing, you don't want to lose that skill!" and so on. Every time I reached a goal, it seemed like the bar would rise and I was eventually chasing perfection without putting words to it. Truthfully, no one person can do everything and be everywhere. At some point, you HAVE to disappoint people and be okay with that, and that’s hard when it comes to people you love or people you want to love you back. At some point, you have to come to terms with the fact that being a good person is not judged on how much you can be used. You can be a good person and be whole, rested, and even, a little selfish at times.

If all you've known is being selfless, a little bit of selfishness feels wrong, but that's why you have to swing the pendulum in the other direction to balance it all out. You're not selfish just because you need to have a selfish moment or a selfish season. Your capacity changes throughout life and that's okay.

Let's pivot: just follow me here. People who don’t understand the psychology of performance would not understand the art of wrestling. The WWE just had an event Premium Live Event (or PLE) on Saturday, and they featured matches they’ve been building on and promoting for a few weeks. In these matches, you get all the bells and whistles whereas a weekly show may not be as decorated and fast-paced. Within the art of wrestling, you realize people can use certain theatrics to stir an emotional response, but it all be an orchestrated dance that’s preplanned. You learn that as humans we root for the good guy and hate the bad guy even if it's just all optics and storyline.

The wrestler learns to respond to crowd cues to ensure the success of the match. The bad guy may notice the crowd being shocked and exaggerate his moves to heighten the moment. Some people are so good at these performances and portraying the "story" that you forget it’s all a facade. That's much like masking. If you've gone through life and only been praised for behaviors that are truly unhealthy to you, you may mistakenly think society's response is approval even if you are denying your feelings.

And so, in my own life where I now strive to be authentic and “what you see is what you get,” sometimes I intentionally slow down my own pace much like a wrestler does after many big moments and he and his opponent are both tired and need a moment to breathe. If my life was a wrestling match, I’d want my storyline to be that of “slow and steady wins the race.” I don’t need a match full of highlights, but I’d want to showcase that every moment doesn't have to be big be impactful. I’d want to show that wrestling is not about having the fanciest moves and biggest moments or who checks off all the boxes but rather whose story genuinely moves a crowd via authenticity.

Every day in life won’t feel like a big moment, sometimes you’re just coasting. You can become addicted to big moments so much, that you think you're inadequate if you don't quickly get to the next one. You can become so accustomed to seeking validation that you do anything to get it.

I currently find myself coasting. I have a goal and I have things in the works but for now, I’m in a major transition. The pace of my wrestling match has slowed. I’m building momentum but there is no top rope moment right now. I’m in the thick of it. What this place has taught me is that isn't the fancy clothes or eloquent words that matter. It's not just performance that draws a crowd. People connect with a genuine story.

I don’t believe you even have to force a big moment in life. Coasting is just as much part of the story as the top rope. Without the long, drawn-out slow moments, you don't fully appreciate the thrill of the top rope. It loses its impact when done too much.

I'm currently raising Venomous Caterpillars called Buckmoth caterpillars. The cool thing about their species is they only produce ONE generation a year whereas other species may have 3-4. Their process is long and involves much patience to see it through. They can spend up to TWO years in their cocoons, wow!

Larvae of the Venomous Buckmoth (Hemileuca maia).

For weeks, for months, I won’t have many updates. It will seem like nothing is happening. Some people may even count them out, but everything is happening in divine timing. Everything from before is being transformed into new. What looks like death is a sacred process happening away from our eyes. The final reveal with be Hall of Fall worthy, don't you fret.

You have to appreciate the slow moments such as these as much as the big moments. The slow builds you into the big. You don’t need gimmicks to be accepted. You don't need the constant approval of people. Be yourself. Nothing does more harm to any relationship than pretending to be someone else or performing to a level you cannot sustain. It's better to transition before it's too late.

Genie, I wish you free...