Even when you don’t have all the answers, and you don’t understand where life is going...you can have peace you’d never imagined possible. In time, things will make sense but to worry when there’s nothing you can do at the moment, is to put yourself through the situation twice...
I read that last sentence somewhere and it always stuck with me. Now I can finally say that I believe it and take heed to it.
If you’ve never seen rock bottom, and it looks different on different people, then you can’t judge others' bleak circumstances. Don't worry we're human. I have to step a step back and check my own thoughts and intentions every day, but again, rock bottom looks different and means different for each individual. Everyone's "too much" is defined differently and we all have different stories and backgrounds that shape that.
For me, I've always had what I needed and didn't want for much growing up. My family wasn't "balling," but I never felt a HUGE sting of financial issues. So now, when I do have times where I may be a lil' on the broke side, I am confident I can handle it because I have evidence of those problems being handled my whole life. If you've never seen the positive side of what can be an issue, like finance, then it's hard to ever see the end of the tunnel. So while I may be able to have faith in a financial situation, the next person may not because of their experience. We all struggle somewhere!
Now I am a Christian woman, but The Butterfly Blogs is an inclusive space. So since this blog may be a little preachy, feel free to NOT read between the lines *slaps knee* if that makes you more comfortable. Totally up to you though.
A couple things that helped me since I reset (see SoulCare: the Reset) has been much prayer, reflection, and meditating on certain affirmations. The word of God says in Phillipians 3:10, "My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death, assuming that I will somehow reach the resurrection from among the dead (CSB)." At face value, this is very morbid, not going to lie, but let's look at it from a different lens. Certain situations in life are meant to crush you, kill you, destroy you. Satan will always have a plan against you, but God uses these times for our well-being and his glory. How? How can a loving God willingly see you in pain/crushed? Sometimes he has to bring us to the end of ourselves. When we get too high and full of pride, it stops our own progress. Pride doesn't just take form as arrogance. It can be evident in low self-esteem as well! When we're prideful, we don't seek the necessary help. We think:
My situation is too hard for God to help me.
I'm nobody; I'm too far gone to be saved.
I've wasted so much time, what's the use in trying now?
No one wants to help me.
Quite frankly....not NAN (if you don't know what that word means, THE Queen of Miami, Trina, can help you) one of these thoughts and any similar are true! That's pride. Pride says we're too much on both sides of the spectrum. So even when life starts life-ing, God can step in and work things out better than you would've imagined, but it takes us coming to the end of thinking we can do it in our own strength and being yielded to him and trusting him. These seemingly impossible situations bring "death" to a part of you and open the doors for a new you to come out of it. One with a better mindset, more maturity, just whatever lesson you needed to learn at that time. God knows and he's in control. He doesn't just bring death, though, because on the third day, Jesus rose from the dead, and we too, can rise out of any situation. Die and resurrect as many times as you need to. Reset as many times as you need to. Just.Don't.Stay.Down.
Caveat though...the WHOLE time Jesus was dead, of course he was doing his thug thizzle Jesus business or whatevs, but can you imagine what people were saying? The talk of the town was probably hot and not in a good way! When you're dead, don't be phased by people that will talk, they can't see your beginning and your end like God. They see three seconds of your story. Don't be moved! Stand and fight for yourself and your healing.
Most importantly in life you’re going to need friends and/or a partner that can view things not emotionally but objectively. Analyzing situations through multiple lenses and not just projecting their own thoughts and feelings onto you. Projecting their traumas. Projecting their unrealistic expectations. Friends and partners are there to support, not control your life. Ultimately you’re going to have to make some tough calls, but if it’s your call to make, then you’re well within capacity to make it should you choose to do it healthily and not hastily. God doesn’t put more on us than we can bear, right? Not saying it aint hard to bear it, but think about exercise. In order to go to the next level physically - the next way of thinking, a better way of life, and so on - we have to be stretched and worked out. Proper weight lifting should always be a little bit beyond what you think you can do when it’s time to move up. But you got this; breathe and follow through.
The cover photo for this post is a Rubik's Cube. My Rubik's Cube's name is Ruby. Don't try to play me, though. I own a couple, and if there's a problem, yo, I'll solve it.
Just kidding, but I do know how to do Beginner's Method, so I do not have speed by any means. I usually have my cube near for stress relief. It seems as if when I can't find the answers, solving my cube gives me comfort. Am I encouraging you to go out and get one? No, it's not for everyone and it's frustrating to learn, BUT in the same sense as my Rubik's Cube, take your mind through practical steps during times of stress in order to come back to Earth and be level-headed.
Your poor mental health can and will spill into every area of your life. I feel like I have high-functioning anxiety that triggers depression if uncontrolled. I only say "I think" because I'm currently on the hunt for a mental health PROFESSIONAL to help me work through it. This I do encourage you to do as well! Your brain is a muscle and needs healing just as much as the rest of you. Ayo, if you're in college, go to the counseling center. I'm a Spring 2020 graduate that not once stepped into my center the entire 5 years in school and wished I had because how much further could I be now? It all works out for me, but your tuition pays for you to have this access so use it, even if you feel "fine." In the same sense we have yearly wellness check-ups with a primary care physician, you should check-up on how your mental health is doing.
My anxiety has run rampant. For months I've said:
I'm going to get help.
I'm going to get help.
I'm going to get help.
...almost as repetitive as my affirmations. I put ME off. I neglected me, not anyone else. But true SOULcare is wholistic. Mind. Body. Spirit. Each of them have intimate needs, so nurture and care for them. Then and only then can you be of true, healthy help to others. Currently my mental state has been spilling into my life as things like constantly being on the go and rushing, poor boundaries, not knowing when to rest and when to hustle. It follows me to work. It follows me home. But no longer. I am now choosing the steps to see what a healthy mind can look like, and you can to.