Pimp down...pimp in distress. I need y'all to step in The Sanctuary for a second.
The Butterfly is not doing okay. So I started off earlier with a check-in on my social media pages for The Sanctuary:
Facebook: The Butterfly Blogs
Go check that out on either page and answer if you haven’t already. Today and the last few days I've been sitting at a 💛/🖤.
If you know me personally you know my life has always been a movie, literally. I'm always on 10 and everything around me happens in a blur. Usually when I'm at top efficiency, I can keep up.
But much like my analyzers at work, (cough, cough, the Vision) I too, shut down after a while. Not even the robots can keep working and going and working and going 24 hours without adequate rest. On top of being a night shifter, I'm a hustler; for my mental health, that is a bad combination. Add any inevitable life situation, I'm down for the count boss.
So the idea for this series came about before "Periodt Sis" since I had took two days off that week to reboot. I thought that was all I needed, but as this sat in the drafts...the plot T H I C K E N E D. I have a habit of getting a little bit of rest, and then going right back to being on TEN, and then being put right back down. It's kinda like how summa Y'ALL don't take all your antibiotics thinkin you're 100% better and you start creating these multi-drug resistant super bugs by doing so, but that's another story for another day. I'm not judging, or am I? (Also don’t be alarmed, we use AAVE and the King’s English interchangeably over here.) Another example: it's kinda like when your stock starts crashing, and you feel the unction to do a Stop Order to prevent further loss...and you don't in hopes it's going to shakeback, in turn losing more in the end. Don't worry I've been there, and currently there...in life!
[Shameless plug: to prevent less of that from happening, register for my event: Free GAME. I'll be tuning in as well because CLEARLY I wasn't listening the first time, and I heard my guy has a Powerpoint now, whoop whoop.]
So here I am starting another work week and I know I can't make it in this high/low state another rotation. Sometimes you have to get real and honest with yourself. I NEED a reset.
The name of my blog was inspired by my penname when I was deeper into poetry. I was and still call myself The Butterfly. Whenever I feel down, usually when I take time to look around, I find a butterfly. I take it as a sign of good luck. Yesterday evening, I took time to get some fresh air, eat some crawfish, listen to the sounds of nature, you know the vibes. I walked out at some point between coughs from the seasoning and just observed the flowers. My favorite quote from the book The Color Purple came to mind,
“I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it. People think pleasing God is all God cares about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back." -Alice Walker
The flowers I saw were so simple yesterday, but few. Normally you see these kind more abundantly...but my theory is the ice storm has slowed their growth. The more I studied the simple flowers, the more I felt okay in that moment. At peace with my mess. At peace with not being okay...because I'm here. As I was walking away, I saw a tiny, gray/white-ish butterfly in the distance. It came all the way to me as I walked to it and flew past me and disappeared. I needed that.
It's okay to be a mess.
My brain is my own analyzer. It is constantly bogged down with information and stress. I'm not at 100% efficiency. I need maintenance right now. When I escape into nature or here in my blog, I am in my butterfly sanctuary. My safe place. Here I am my own sign that everything will be okay...because I’m here!
For now I am taking things a day at a time, but yesterday I made the choice to reset and stop and observe the flowers...