SoulCare: Just Drop It

This part of #SoulCare has been the hardest to write. For this series I knew I wanted to take you all a journey with me, and I also knew part three would be the "meat" so it took time to figure out what I would say. If you are needing to start from the beginning, click here: SoulCare: the Reset (thebutterflyblogs.site)


I'm currently five or so sessions deep into counseling and it has been so eye opening. I've learned better ways to think and just have a better understanding of myself as a person. As I've stated before, trauma changes us. We may not see how at first, but the longer we let those unresolved feelings fester, the more they cloud our perspective and try to overwhelm us. And that's if you're lucky to only have ONE bad experience. Don't let it be a HISTORY of trauma. Those situations can compound over the years.


I will forever advocate for therapy/counseling. Even IF you feel "okay" - which I tried to convince myself I was for the longest - counseling may help uncover suppressed feelings. In my case, I had been saying I was going to go to counseling since early 2020. Midway through the year I was blessed to finally start my career and from there things got hectic. So let me set the scene: a hurting young adult, a new career in the medical field during a pandemic working 12-hour shifts over night [Read: Bridge Builder: How I navigated my first year as a laboratory scientist during a pandemic. (thebutterflyblogs.site)], brand new relationship, AND me still trying to keep up with things I was already involved in and used to doing like working with non-profit organizations. For months I tried to keep everything together with a resilient smile on my face. Trying to "keep it together" is rather exhausting, though. I ran myself into the ground until I finally broke. I had to let go. And when I let go with nothing to catch me, (because no human can save you from your problems. As great as my boyfriend is, he couldn't heal me. That comes from Jesus and therapy, periodt.) I felt like I shattered.... I went weeks and months feeling like a shadow of myself, a zombie. I was so confused, I had memory loss, I loss close to 50 pounds, my anxiety was at a all time high, and anytime I even tried to #GrindHard and push through to keep up with my usual pace, I'd fall back into a depression that would leave me in bed for days when I was off, because I just couldn't handle anything more than me at that time. I tried hard to convince myself I could, though.


My breaking point hurt for a long minute, and even now I still have my days. That's the thing about healing: some days you're at peace, and some days you're pieces still. It's a journey that you just have to embrace and take head on. Each counseling session I leave feeling better, though. It's a process, but it works! I saw grief being described as a ball in a box on PsychCentral, and I like that analogy for healing as well because they go hand-in-hand. Imagine your trauma as the ball. When you start your healing journey, your ball is huge and will trigger the pain button OFTEN. As you keep going, the ball gets smaller, and it's opportunities to trigger you become few and far between. By the end of it, you'll be able to face that thing, talk about it, and not even feel a tinge of anything. That's when you know you've healed. For some people the ball never fully disappears, as in cases with grief and loss of loved ones, but your pain can definitely be manageable no matter the situation.




For the longest I wanted to keep my unhealed self on life support. I tried to do everything but what I needed to do to get her to come back to life, and I was wrong. She was MEANT to die, and me prolonging my growth from that mindset made that transition a painful instead of peaceful one. My advice today is...just drop it. Drop it like it's hot. Drop it low for Jesus. Do whatever you have to do. When you feel yourself breaking, listen to your own needs. Let everything else outside of what's NEEDED (kids, work, you know what's necessary lol) fall where they may. It it not your responsibility to show up for others when you need to show up for yourself. Only YOU know to what extent you're hurting, so only you can start saying "no" to keeping it together and "yes" to getting yourself together. Why try to hold together something broken when instead you can LET it break and let God rebuild you wholly?


My journey is not complete, yet, but I can say I've made some leaps, bounds, and great steps in a healthy direction. Don't shy away from brokenness. It's just a season, and if you do the work, it'll pass.

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