“You‘re a little slow, aren’t you?”
“…all book smarts, but no common sense?”
“Girl, what be going through your head?”
These and many more are words that have haunted me since childhood up until *checks imaginary watch* maybe yesterday. I get it. As a highly sensitive person (HSP), or empath, I tend to see the best in every situation. I easily look past faults to see a person and/or situation to being better, or whatever I deemed as “better” in my head. On top of that, I’m literally a scientist. My brain is accustomed to not ALWAYS finding the quickest, easiest, and most straightforward answer that makes sense. I think outside the box, get creative, and can remember minute details so much so that I miss the more obvious parts at times. On top of that, I’ve only been on this Earth a mere 24 years; I still have a lot more living to do and that’s okay too. It’s a very trippy feeling considering all these things while trying to navigate life, but nonetheless I chalk it all up to growing pains and call it a day.
Unless you take extensive time to get to know me personally, you probably will never understand me. I’m a complex being with complex feelings that are usually built upon layers. Much of my life has been people getting me wrong. From family to friends who did not entirely align with my path, I just didn’t make sense to them. Or worse, I made sense but was painted in a differently light than who I inherently am. The gas lighting was so severe and prevalent, I started to believe all those people. I was versions of myself I was never meant to be all for the sake of fitting in and wanting to be normal, whatever that is. How discouraging it is for years to constantly hear things like:
“This isn’t you. You’re being fake. THIS is you.”
“You can’t handle this.”
“You‘re too young. You don’t know what you’re doing. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
…let me pause there and encourage someone: only you have spent every second with youself your entire life. Only you truly know you. Only you know the thoughts you think, what you don’t share, etc. You’re also allowed to grow and change beyond what “used to be.” Honestly, does anyone know what they are doing until they have done it? But hey, I‘m just the messenger.
It has taken a full year and counting of intense shadow work, therapy, and making positive changes to peel back traumas and experiences that broke me down into not knowing who I was. It is not an overnight process, but it was so necessary. To be delivered from the opinions of people is so life changing.
So what does that have to do with any of my readers since obviously you aren’t here to read me fangirl over myself? Well, this blog is for the loner, the outcast, the misunderstood, the one trying to be a feeling person in a callous world, the one with peculiar thoughts and beliefs that people instantly dismiss, the one who goes against the grain, the one who dares to be different. If you fit into any of these groups or similar, know today that there is a tribe just for you. It is in our moments of solitude that we not only find ourselves, but we also find those who understand and accept us. The pruning process is very painful, but necessary.
Be free, butterfly… 🦋
So maybe your resident scientist is not clueless, just misunderstood with growing pains?